Quick update.

Merry Christmas!!

Things have been busy here with the holidays and other things. As I write this, my darling is out delivering plates of home made goodies to several people. We cooked and baked (mostly Julie) our hearts out last night but we had a great time. I can’t cook well but I love to try. I guess its the good company I keep!  I finished shoping for Julie today. I took along our little dog Chewy. He is a poodle and he is a very good dog. I was gone all day and he never made one whimper. He puts me in the mind of a dog that would ride on the back of a motorcycle with a little pair of sunglasses and a leather jacket on. He is laid back to be so young. He lives to please Julie and me. After Lucy went into the light, I thought it would be hard for Julie to get another dog but this little guy has fit right in to the family. Our cat ,Maisy, hasn’t quite figured him out yet but I’m sure they will be big buddies before long.

Got to go for now. I have to finish baking a cake and wrap some presents.

Have a great evening, Tony

A great day is measured by your determination.

Today is a great day. Some would say that it is a normal day. However, everyday I wake up with the one I love most is a great day. Also, being able to breathe and move and absorb the wonderful feeling of life regardless of what the world is doing is a great day. Julie and I had dinner with her parents last night and it was great. I really enjoy spending time with them. They are good, genuine people that lets you know their thoughts. I like that. We went to an Italian restaurant with a wonderful atmosphere. The food was very good.

I haven’t commented much on our new president. I voted for him and I do believe he will usher in a great period of positive change. Of course I have been a republican all my voting life but I am ready for a change. Our country needs a change as well. I already feel safer knowing that our current president is on the way out. His last four years has left the country open to devastation from nearly every angle. I believe president Obama will strengthen our domestic issues and will also bring a new identified approach to our international affairs and relationships. That has been the problem over the last few years. Our country has had no identified approach. Flying by the seat of your pants is good for some things but president Bush has ran the country flying by the seat of his pants….pants that have been filled with hidden agendas, greed and misleading. I believe that president Bush started with good intentions but somehow lost control on what direction he needed to lead our country. So many devastating things have happened in the last eight years. Many people blame it on the fall out of the Clinton era. Some of that may be true but most of it falls on a man who has never said ‘the buck stops here.’ President Bush says he was misinformed when we invaded and attacked Iraq. He never said he made a poor decision. Our president elect was quick to say he is putting together a strong unique team of advisers. But he said he would consider their advise and he would make the decision. I like that. A strong president should lead that way.  The miracle of turn around will not happen over night but I am sure our country will be stronger, safer and more economically sound in four years…or less.

For those of you that don’t agree, don’t whine, fuss or complain. Just pray for our leaders and patiently wait. God will not let us down and He already knows the outcome.

My best to you,  Tony

Graduation, white hair in my beard and a black man as president. Times have changed.

Hope all is well with you. Where has the time gone? This year is passing by so quickly. Julie and I can barely blink and another month is gone. We have travelled, laughed, loved, cried and done some changing this year. As we have often heard, change is good. I have certainly done a lot of that this year. During this year I have went to the extreme of feeling invincible to being as weak as a newborn child and back again. Life certainly is entertaining to say the least!

This coming weekend my daughter will graduate college. I don’t know how I feel about that. It seems that life has fast forwarded from the day she was born until now. I can remember excerpts from her life. I remember when I let go of the bike and she could ride on her own and I can remember teaching her how to drive and many other things in between. But, today I feel old. Did you ever just want everything to fall in place and become a life of organization and routine? I guess if that happened, it wouldn’t be life. However, this graduation has been a long time coming. Julie and I are going and all the family will be there. Oh yea, my ex wife will be there as well. She and Julie have never been in the same room together and I hope the mini-dome can hold it. Julie has no animosity at all and she has never done anything to hurt my ex wife but my ex has certainly did her share. I am sure that things will go well. I may have to do something crazy to break the ice like stripping down and running naked through the crowd but that will only get me put in jail and on the evening news. So, I think I’ll just quietly hold on tight to Julie’s hand and get through it.

This growing old is hard on a man! I used to know exactly what I wanted and I pursued it. Right or wrong. But now there are so many options and decisions to make. I have a diverse background and my career can go many directions. I just want to hold on to three things. God, Julie and the truth. Without one of these three I would be a blowing speck of dust in a world of desert land. I never thought true happiness would bring a demand for such a change in mind frame. Pulling out of a long past is like pulling a truck out of a mud hole. Your not stuck anymore but there is still some mud on the wheels. You can wait for time and rain to wash it off but it really won’t be clean or you can purposefully wash it away in detail. Either way it has to come off for the truck to be clean. As for me, I have pulled out of the mud and I’m washing it off.

Anyway, Julie and I are plugging right along. Our Christmas tree is up and it is beautiful. We put it up after Thanksgiving. Julie has been busy making home made bread and it is wonderful. Our lives are continuing to melt together with love and understanding. I will say this, Julie is one of the most understanding people I have ever met. She has put up with a lot in the name of love and I am thankful for it.

Happy Holidays to all,  Tony

Finding Myself.

Hey Folks. I hope things have been great with you. As always, life has been super busy. However, many of you keep up with Julie and me through the blog and I have not had the time to write. As some of you know, I have left my previous position at the children’s home in search of the next great adventure. The children’s home was and still is very dear to my heart. However, the motivation and challenge of the position began to decrease through the last year. This was very evident to Julie and those that worked around me. I have a huge internal desire for new challenges and to help people in many ways and the position I had became engulfed in day to day regimes and repetitive things. Please don’t think I am a job hopper or a lay about kind of guy. I love to build and see positive ongoing changes around me. I am positive the children’s home will continue to thrive and provide great services to many people. However, it was time for me to move on. Julie is very supportive with this decision and we have entered this new chapter in our lives with an anticipated feeling of the upcoming things in store for us.

Since my last post, many things have happened. Some crazy things but mostly the bumps and adversity of life. Overall, we have had a wonderful ride and I am sure we will continue to do so. Sometimes we all need to take time to find our self again. That is the process that I face now. I want to become closer with God and find a newness with Him. Becoming closer to God dictates that we examine ourselves and purge out all the negative things and wrong doings. For years I hid behind the pulpit thundering out to others how to live their lives and somehow I overlooked my own spirituality. I don’t know about you but when we overlook our own spiritual needs, everything and everyone around us begins to suffer. Needless to say, Julie has endured alot this past year as I have adjusted to many changes. Being honest with myself has been the toughest challenge of my life, and believe me, I have been through some junk. I have made money and lost it all. I have had friends and lost them. I have had material things that were not necessities. But I have come to realize that all those things are way down on the list compared to true love and a closeness with God. I used to spend alot of time worrying about the things that I could not give Julie. Big expensive things that I felt were the frame work of love. However, Julie has helped me understand that her love for me is not based on those things. She told me the other day that she fell in love with the “real Tony” not the Tony that strives for material gain. You see, I spent most of my life providing material things to a relationship that had no hope of true love. In this type of relationship, you tend to tell people what you think they want to hear. Then you lose touch of your own personal reality. I can write first hand because that is exactly what happened to me. Then along came Julie. Her love for me demands honesty and humbleness. Those are two things that had been eroded from my life years ago. However, with her help and the prayers of others, I am finding myself.

So what is the scoop on me? The truth is, I am nothing. I can do alot of things but that don’t matter if the world around you has been built on sandy ground. My relationship and marriage to Julie has added a firmness to my foundation that I was not ready for. In her quiet way, she has been encouraging me to have a deeper spiritual life with God but I was too busy using the Bible to justify my past and current life. I have realized that God’s word is not to be used to justify but to glorify Him and cleanse our heart of our own impurities. Julie has been patient. I am sure that sometimes she wanted to walk away but she stayed. We all have our faults but I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am the chiefest of all sinners.

My children are still distant from us and other things are continuing to try to infiltrate our life. But, my children are adults and their issues are no longer mine. The things that are trying to infiltrate our life are temporary things and will soon pass away. I have two major priorities. Number one is finding myself with a newness with God and number two is being the best husband and love to Julie as I can. Some may say why is Julie not first? The answer is simple. If we keep God first, He will guide us to a deeper love and oneness with those we love the most. God knows that I love Julie more than anything in this world and He is making me a better man for it.

Best to all, Tony

Some things don’t have to be X rated.

Passion. The very word sparks a movement in the heart of our sexuality. However, Webster has quite a few definitions of this word. The one I like the most is ‘A person toward whom one feels strong love. The object of such fondness or desire.’ I have counseled many couples in my career and I have often wondered what in the world keeps these people together?! Many times in the face of strong opposing odds, a couple will triumph and their love grows to a bond that no man or anything of this world could ever break. I have often be passionate about my career, building houses or buildings that make people happy and preaching God’s word. However, I never really understood what passion was all about until my sweet Julie came into my life. Now don’t get your mind in the gutter and as my wonderful mother-in-law is reading this entry, don’t think I am going to become X rated in describing Julie. With that said, I can truly say that I have found the passion of my life. We have had our troubles and with all the negative influences that have infiltrated our life together it would have been easy for both of us to throw our hands up and walk away. Why didn’t we? Passion. Sure, we share a love that I am sure no other couple has ever had. Of course I am biased but I know how I feel. Each time I touch her hand the passion grows more intense. I listen to her sleeping and as we lay together there is no other word better than passion to describe it. When we are walking, her sweet little hand extends out to grasp mine and my heart skips a beat. The way she looked at me as we were exchanging our wedding vows. That is the passion that has become the glue of our love for each other. Some may say I am sappy as I write this but I would say your jealousy comes into play. I spent many years trying to define this powerful word in my own way but God stepped in and placed His definition deep in my heart.

Passion. It is not X rated but a powerful force that few people find but everyone searches for. As for us, we no longer have to look. Passion found us.

Have a great night.  Tony

Homesick…..it’s not so bad.

Hello again folks. I hope all is well with you. Not much new happening here. Life is continuing to roll on over the pot holes and rocks of resistance. It seems that every preacher has a catch phrase that he will use quite a few times in each message. Especially the more firery preachers that people like to call the ‘hacking’ preachers. I was a hacker for years and I am sure that this style would slowly creep back into my sermons every now and then. My phrase was “My Beloved.” I would say that quite a few times each message. I had an old preacher friend who was a Regular Baptist. He would often sing off his sermon in a subtile but fiery way that spoke directly to your heart. His catch phrase was “I am homesick for Heaven.” He would say this quite a few times during the course of his message. He was truly a man of God and he is now passed from this life to a better place with the Lord. However, I can still see him in my mind as he stood and hear his voice thundering through the many churches that he preached in. However, as I grow older, I can understand why he was so homesick for Heaven. I too am growing homesick. I would like to be in a place where hard times never come and the problems of life never infiltrate the heart and soul. Don’t get me wrong. I want to stay on this earth as long as God will allow but sometimes I find my mind going to a place that is perfect, peaceful and restful. There is a song called ‘I can only imagine’ that speaks of the coming time when we will actually see Him as He is and be with him for all eternity. That makes me homesick and excited for that day.

Have a wonderful day.  Tony

The Fight. The voice is still there.

The veteran prize fighter fell against the ropes as a result from the crushing blows to the head and the abdomen that were given him by his youthful opponent. He dropped to his knees and felt like the world was closing in. He had been here before many times. The pain in his head and body effected his thoughts and he felt like he could not continue the fight. In a flash of seconds, his mind raced through the many fights of the past and how he was somehow able to obtain the victory and remain a champion. However, this was the toughest fight he had faced. He was older now and the punches that would not have affected him a few short years ago now felt like daggers that went to the very core of his being. His mind went back to his amateur days as a young fighter. In one particular fight, he was on the ropes and had been beaten badly by a huge opponent that was a giant compared to his size. The larger fighter had come in like a sudden tornado in the desert and had controlled the fight with his size and power. He was going down and was on his knees. He was hearing voices from his manager and the corner crew but their voices were lost in his pain and the desire to quit. Then he heard it. It was internal to him. A voice that was sharp, powerful and overwhelming. The voice shouted out in his mind and simply said, “Quiting is not an option! You have trained too hard for this day!” The young fighter begin to feel his strength rise within him. He gathered this strength and stood to face the giant. In a few short, well placed and powerful blows the giant began to crumble. One minute later, the young fighter stood victorious over the giant in a surprising victory that stunned the boxing world.

That had been many years ago and the young fighter had not lost since. He had been on the ropes many times but the internal voice kept ringing in his ears; “Quiting is not an option! You have trained too hard for this day!” But now he was tired. His body bruised and battered. He was scarred physically and emotionally from the years of facing opponents that were hungry to defeat him. But the voice was still there. This time he would not listen. He was ready to lay down and give it all up. But the voice was still there. The referee was counting, the crowd was roaring, the opponents corner was declaring a victory. Somehow he had to stand and finish his fight. He thought of all the work and training. He thought of his family. He could not lay down defeated while he could rise and fight! His body was older and worn but he had wisdom. He knew he could beat this hungry adversary. He had too much invested in his own life to give his championship to a young, unproven opponent. He could feel the strength returning as it had many times before. In less than one minute, he was standing victorious over the body of the limp, unconscious opponent. The crowd in the arena was wild with surprise. The announcers called this the come back of the century. The feeling in the heart of the prize fighter could not have been bought for any price. He had won another victory and this would not be his last.

Our life is exactly like the prize fighter. We train each day in preparation for the next fight, struggle or obstacle. A fighter often trains intensly for six months before his next fight. Unlike the fighter, we don’t know when our next fight will be. That is why we must live each day in tune with the voice. “Quitting is not an option! You have trained too hard for this day!” Sometimes it seems like we are down for the count and everything within us screams it is much easier to give up and lay down. However, the voice is still there. We must embrace the obstacles of life with the same attitude a prize fighter has to have in order to win. In the Bible, Paul compares this life to a fight and also a race. It is a fight to be won and a race to be run. There is no time to lay down and be defeated by opponents that seem to big and powerful for us. Any circumstance is only as strong as you allow it to be.

When you are discouraged, worn and ready to quit, remember the Fight. The voice is still there.

As my darling Julie says, Love, Love.   Tony

I am not dead…..just been quiet.

Hey folks,

It seems like forever since I have written an entry. Work has been busy and with the goings on of life I have not had time. I will start by saying that Julie and I are doing fantastic. All of the adjustments of the first year of marriage have come and gone and we are still very much in love. Not only that, but our love grows stronger each day. I find myself becoming more and more dependant on Julie as she has become more than half of the man I am. The relationship we share is priceless and I never thought I could be so close to anyone. My father recently told me that Julie has “some kind of hold on me” and he could not figure it out. I took that as a complement and I told him the hold was called love. I never quite understood what love was until Julie came into my life. The mere touch of her hand radiates through me more than the sharpest lightening bolt that has ever struck the earth. God definitely made us for each other but I don’t understand why we didn’t find each other until a few years ago. In my younger years, I dreamed of a girl that was Julie. I guess the Lord wanted us to face trials and life on our own before we blended our souls to become one. But the point is we are now together and we have much living to do for the rest of our years together.

I have much more to write but I must go for now. My daughter just called and her boyfriend and her want to stop by the house and go out for dinner. I am very excited. It seems that she is finally coming around to the notion that Julie and I are here to stay. My daughter and son have been distant for some time. My son has not spoken to me for nearly three months regardless of my voicemails I have left on his phone. They say time heals all wounds and I am sure they will come full circle. Thanks for visiting today and be sure to come back soon. I will write more soon about our recent travels and my thoughts on the presidential race and other rants from the top of the soap box.

As Julie says, Love, Love.     Tony

China, world peace and starving Americans

Hey folks. I hope all is well and peaceful in your life. I am sure you have heard many different opinions about the olympics this year. I have no doubt that our American teams will dominate in several events. My hat goes off to the young men and women that work hard in their sport to excel to the point of being an Olympic competitor. However, regardless of the amount of American athletes, gold medals or world records, looming in the background is the growing concern of China. China is the largest in population and world economic growth. There are 1000 babies born each minute in China. The growth in their industry, population and military strength brings on this issue; a huge attitude of ‘we can do what we want to and get away with it.’ However, the people of China are suffering in many different ways. There is a widening gap of poverty stricken people and the wealthy class. You may ask what difference does it make to America? Human rights should be one of the top issues of our nation but our leaders tend to focus on oil, increasing imports and other items that are weakening our stand as a country. Our imports from China are up. We no longer just import small items and wants. We are importing items that make our country more dependent on others instead of ourselves. America is still the greatest country on the planet and we are capable of supporting our needs. Sure it is good to maintain free trade and importing with other countries but we continue to dig the holeof dependence and other countries, such as China, are standing on the rim and kicking in the dirt of defiance and mocking what our forefathers worked hard to achieve. I am not talking about the Bush and Clinton dynasties. I am talking about the real men and women that were not full of greed and self exhaultation. The peoplethat really formed a nation dependent upon its own people and resources.

One of the reasons that China was able to host the Olympics is the agreement they made with the Olympic committee to relax the strict guidelines for the press. However, China remains the number one nation in the world for the arrest and imprisonment of journalists. Also, China did relax the guidelines for journalists but Tibet remains off limits. What is going on with that? The people of Tibet has suffered for years as our nation has fumbled through war, aggression and other issues because of oil and our greed for it. I don’t understand why our resources can’t be focused on making our country self sustaining and non dependent on oil so we can then focus on the human rights issues that others face. Both presidential candidates say that they will focus on making the needed changes to wean our country from oil. Where was our candidates voices on this issue when they were not running for president? I hope these two are not singing to the masses in order to obtain votes. We need a president that has true Americans at heart. The most aggressive challenge for a revamp of the energy crisis came from Al Gore. He stated we can be totally off oil in ten years if we pool our resources and use the strength and knowledge of the American peolpe to create an energy efficient society. It is a good plan but the first thing that has to change is the hearts of those leaders that will move our country in this positive step.  

The State of California is in financial ruin. I heard that Gov. Arnold is up against a 15 billion dollar short fall in the state budget. The budget is one month past due and the State is running out of money. He has ordered that all state employees, just above 200,000, have their pay reduced to minimum wage. NPR reported that the checks have already been cut reflecting this amount. You can imagine the turmoil. Gov. Arnold has ran a platform of not raising taxes but he has allowed his state to borrow money at high interest to pump up the revenues to meet the budget. Now he is suggesting a temporary 1% tax increase which will not take care of the immediate need. Why did I bring this up? Because other states are having difficulties meeting their budgets as well. Gov. Arnold laid off 10,000 part time state employees and California has lost over 700,000 jobs the past two years. What will happen if indeed these state workers begin to make minimum wage and 10,000 part time workers have been laid off coupled with losing all these jobs in the past two years? The answer is massive independent financial ruin. Bankruptcies, crime, suicide, abuse and many more negative things will begin to increase at astounding rates. We can use this California situation and directly compare this to our country as a whole. Our nation is in debt to other countries, the next president will inherit the largest national debt ever. We have lost over 17 million jobs in the past 8 years and we are dependent on oil to survive. Taxes are up and will probably go higher. The rich are richer and the poor are destitute. We can not have a balanced budget due to the wars we are involved in. Our outgoing costs are the most in the history of our great nation.

President Bush said he is striving for world peace. He needs to be reminded that he is not answering a question in a beauty pageant. The Bible teaches us that world peace is not achievable. Also, striving for world peace an harmony is not achieved but sending our forces on a personal quest that had no merit. The quest for world peace starts at home and it is a journey that will not be completed but along the way we can impact other countries with the example we set. 

I guess that is enough for now. Please don’t get the wrong idea of this post. I still believe we live in the best country in the world. We have the most opportunitesand the greatest government process. We need leaders that not only follow the process but have the American people in mind as they move forward in the leadership of the country. The next five years will frame the destiny of our nation.

Julie and I are doing great. Our life together continues to be busy but we love and hold each other through all things. I have found it is alot easier to face life with a partner that shares everything whether it is good or bad. The future of our great country sometimes seems clouded but our love for each other will always be clear.

Have a great day. Tony

The Shack

Hey folks,

I don’t have much time to write but I wanted to let you know that I just finished an incredible book called The Shack. It will definitely get you thinking about your perspective concerning God and how you view your relationship with Him. It challenges you to become more personal with God by opening up new doors in your mind that shows a more personal view of how God walks with you everyday. Again, the book is entitled The Shack and it is written by William P. Young. This is a must read!

Please remember to pray for those that were involved in the tragic shooting in the church here in Knoxville. This is a sign of the day and times. I can envision things like this beginning to take place more often. We don’t know when we leave our home if we will ever return. That’s why we must live each day with the peace of God and try to help others as we all face a daily struggle in this nation that appears to be out of control.

Julie and I are well. We spent the entire day together and as always, I love her more this second than last second.

Have a great evening!   Tony